


The Dead Name

by Sammy_Canter



Series: Other Works [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Crying, Gen, I would say soemthing else but it would be a spoil, Just very LGBT, Major character death - Freeform, Mentioned self-harm but doesn't actually happen it's just someone asking if another person does it, So Much Homo, Soulmate 'death', Tattooed name soulmates, The person who died never really met the person who thinks them dead, but not really, gaaaAAAY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 14:08:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17469038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammy_Canter/pseuds/Sammy_Canter
Summary: Just a little thing I thought of.





	The Dead Name

 When the talk of soulmates comes, Carlos is just as excited as all the other children in his classroom. The teacher rolls up her sleeve and reveals the dark black ink that spells out the name 'Phil' in big, bold letters. She gives them all a chance to touch the tattoo as well, making sure no one attempts to scratch it off like a lottery ticket. She said her mom tried to do that once. 

 "Your soulmate has your name on their arm and you have their name on your name. That way you know when you meet them- the names match up. Understood?" She then asks everyone to roll up their sleeves if they aren't wearing a sleeveless or short sleeved outfit. One by one, everyone begins to read out the names on their arms. Some are easy, like Sam or Kate or Judy. Others are a bit more difficult, like Rebecca or Kathryn or Timothy. 

 But when it Carlos' turn comes, he can only stutter helplessly as he attempts to pronounce the name on his arm. The teacher needs to come over and help him. 

 "Eh-lor-e-ah. Iloria. Well, that's a strange one, isn't it?" And Carlos can only grin and nod, because to him it doesn't matter that the name is different. It only matters that it's her name. It's his soulmate's name. 

 By fifth grade, he knows that there is nobody in the school that could be his soulmate. Unlike most of his classmates, he hasn't found her yet. He even checked the phone book with no luck in sight. But that doesn't stop his quest to find her. Only makes him even more excited. 

 Whenever he goes out, he looks at other's arms. Tried to see if, by some chance, they have his name of their skin. As if he could find his soulmate in such a simple way- the universe is not that kind. He never sees his name on anyone's arm, and sometimes when they wear short sleeves he can't help but let his mind race at the thought that his name could be underneath the fabric- that they could be his soulmate and he wouldn't even know. 

 That goes on for a while. Up till the middle of sixth grade, actually. That's when something happens. 

 The name dims. Fades, till there's only a foggy view of the name that was once tattooed so boldly into the inside of his arm. He can still see it if he strains his eyes, but it doesn't work very well. It fades further and further away with time.

 According to his parents, his soulmate is probably dead. She's gone and he never got to meet her. 

 He doesn't cry over her supposed death. He never knew her, after all. How could he cry over someone he never knew- never met, never saw, never heard? But he does get depressed. The door to his room stays shut most of the time because now he favors the quiet of having nobody around and being left to only his own company. No, doesn't prefer it. He needs it. 

 He needs it so badly that he doesn't even realize his mom is pregnant before she tells him, even though all the signs are there. Morning sickness, eating habits, and even stomach growth. He isn't around enough to see it. 

 But it's then that he meets Anthony. Anthony, that laughs over the small things and always has a smile on his face. Anthony, that only calls him by his last name, and quite honestly Carlos doesn't even know if he realizes what his first name even is. But that doesn't stop them from becoming fast friends. Not like Carlos even let him into his bubble in the first place, anyways. Anthony just marched in on his own accord. 

 Yet none of those things cause the bond between them to grow as strong as the moment they had within the walls of his bedroom the first time they met. When Carlos needed tutoring and Anthony was more than willing to help. When Anthony asked why Carlos always wears long sleeves. 

 "Are you... Well, you know..." But Carlos can only shake his head and pause for a moment. 

 "You might hate me." 

 "I could never hate you!" 

 "I-" he pauses. After a moment, he realizes he just can't say it. So instead, he rolls down his sleeve and shows the faded soulmark on his arm. The name can't be made out anymore. It's completely gone. 

 "She's dead." 

 "Oh." 

 They both stay quiet for a moment before Anthony smiles- actually smiles- and says, "Well, that was much better then you made it out to be. I thought you were self-harming- don't scare me like that again, yeah?" 

 Carlos cried that day. 

 It's when Carlos begins to see things in Anthony that he shouldn't see that he begins to question their friendship. When he begins to notice the small things, like how charming his smile is or how great his hair looks pushed back. Things he should be seeing in girls, but fails to notice as quickly as he does with Anthony. As quickly as he sees all the attractive things about all the guys in his grade. 

 He feels that in some sort of way, he has betrayed his soulmate. Somehow he has broken their bond by liking boys instead of girls. She betrayed him first by dying. He doesn't care all that much. 

 When sixth grade ends he has to begin homeschooling. It'll last until the second year of high school. His parents say he just needs a break from people and this will help him. He doesn't believe them, but when he tried to convince him he's fine because Anthony is there they don't believe him. He has no choice. 

 So they resort to texting and meeting after school hours. They have sleepovers over the weekends and talk about what annoys them and what they laughed about. And all the while, Carlos can't help but feel that there's something between them. Something that both refuse to acknowledge for a multitude of reasons. Because if he told Anthony, there would be too many answers as to why it was wrong. How he has a soulmate, how he isn't gay, how he just doesn't feel that way. 

 So he keeps quiet until he starts high school again. 

 They have their first class together and they sit next to each other. The teacher shushes them to call attendance. Carlos has a thought, just then. 

 "Do you even know my name?" Anthony pauses, then giggles. It's answer enough to send both of the boys into muffled laughter while the teacher continues to call names. 

 "April Bangerhider?" 

 "Here." 

 "Carlos Dunkin?" 

 "Here." 

 Anthony looks at him weirdly. He doesn't know why, but he does. It's a side glance, a shift in the air they share, the tapping of a finger. It puts Carlos off. He's about to ask why when the teacher says something that catches his attention. 

 "Iloria Castrade?" 

 Carlos stills. His breath hitches and he can tell Anthony knows. Because Anthony always knows. He can always tell. But then Anthony sends the teacher an apologetic look and opens his mouth. 

 "Oh, sorry Mrs. Badger. I forgot to tell you at the beginning of class- I don't go by Iloria anymore," he looks to Carlos, shifts in his seat. They're looking at each other head-on, now, and Carlos' jaw is touching the floor while Anthony grins ear to ear as nervous as can be. 

 "I'm trans."

**Author's Note:**

> See, I always wondered what would happen if someone didn't go by their actual name in the soulmate au of names being tattooed on the skin. Would it be their preferred name, or their birth name? And what if that person never told you that the name they went by wasn't their birth name, or they go by their birth name but they want to go by their preferred name, which would be the name that was tattooed? 
> 
> Probably just me, but yeah. I thought it could be interesting.


End file.
